This morning as I lay in bed I reflected on who I've become this past year.... and just how much I've changed. I'm sure that statement is just as cliche as when someone utters the words "i love you" but it's resoundingly true for me. I feel like last year i was Pangaea together whole and at peace. Now my very being is a constantly shifting surface and underbelly, at war with it's borders trying to find each puzzle pieces place, never at rest, completely impatient, and self destructive. The job I thought I wanted, I don't think it's going to work out financially. Do I go back to being a lifty swinging chairs? Try for Guest Service? I feel like I've worn out my welcome there like I need to move on but the new house is sitting on a shaky foundation and I am scared to make the leap.

Sometimes at night ghosts of my past come out and haunt me....

Forcing me into reliving beautiful, painful, wonderful, and brutal experiences one strikingly agonizing flash back at time.  I see the moments played out a scene at a time except I'm never able to change the outcome and it's painful even if it was beautiful... and ocasionally a painful one is beautiful.