Panic, stress and anxiety seem to be the theme of the night..... or my life whichever.

I feel adrift in a sea of emotion. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS LIFE OF MINE.

I knew when my high school career started to come to a close that the beaten path of college, student loans, and massive debt probably wasn't for me but I took a stab at it and I failed miserably. I escaped debt free thanks to a few sad scholarships and my trusty choice of a community college over a big university.

My first real step into the work force was that of seasonal work. It started with working in banquets for a very upper class hotel in my hometown for very low class Polish woman who growled my name, I think my very presence at times caused immediate rage. After that nightmare on elm street ended I made the graceful move to working on the local ski mountain and it was love at first clock in.

It was such a different vibe people were relaxed and generally stoked to see you, and no one growled my name. It felt like the square peg finally found the right hole. It was like a switch had flipped, the path had been layed out for me to well... find me. I think I really came into my own during those four seasons of my life I gave that mountain and I'm forever grateful, I started that job as a 19 year old girl and left it a 22 year old woman who had more of an idea of where she was supposed to be. Facing the probable reality that I won't go back there in the event that I don't ace these training sessions to be a ski instructor (please universe work with me on this) it's like staring Medusa in the face and my eyes threaten Niagara falls at the thought. It's just that I love the people and that place with just about all that I am.

And then I moved to a ragged beautiful range of mountains that surrounded a glacial lake that I call home and I found more beautiful people that I love and hope and pray to the universe that I get to go back to where pieces of my heart still lay.

I know the seasonal life is the path that I'll probably always tread. No it's not one of stability and if you do find it, it's usually only temporary but I'm addicted to the forever changing horizon and vast array of new faces and experiences that come with the territory.

I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes I wish I would have given in to society and felt the comfort in my future because I actively made choices to secure it. But at the end of the day I wouldn't have it any other way so here's to my rocky path and the unknown where my future and life live.

I'm gonna try and sum up for you the past 6 months of my life we'll see how I do, my brain moves so fast I forget words so be patient with me, like you're dealing with a preschooler patient.


In March I got a call that would totally change my life. I got the job I was going to be living and working at a resort tucked in the mountains for the next 6 months of my life. I could barely contain my excitement for the new adventure I could have dealt without the housekeeper part but at the point I knew I just wanted to be there and I would do anything to go.... except eat dog shit I wouldn't do that.

My sister, our good friend Meredith and I all packed into my Chevy 4x4 and headed north to the land of milk and honey which i would later find out was actually the land of Mormonism and awkward sexual tension. When we got there we had no idea where the fuck to go it was like a deserted ghost town from the old west tumble weeds included.... Soon we found our Gollum and she showed us the way to our bungalow which is a really sweet way to put small as fuck, I was so close to the two other girls I could hear their heart beats in the middle of the night... terrifying and infuriating all at once. After I pulled some hoarders magic and fit all the unnecessary shit I brought we went down to the general managers cabin for a nice home cooked dinner, when it came time to sit down they went straight to saying grace but the only thing i was praying for was alcohol and the strength of character to make it through the fucking summer.

Then amazingly people started to show.... the excitement was short lived when I found out this chick was the living breathing human form of a decorated fighting pit bull.

The store manager was constantly unimpressed and saying hi to you totally put her out.

The rest were Mormon and trying to control my language was like keeping an overzealous toddler holding your hand... nearly impossible.
After 2 months My sister and Meredith got the hell out of dodge and left me there to fend for myself, believe my I entertained, danced with, flirted with the idea of quitting.

Fast forward I moved, started making more friends, the pit bull turned into a really sad shitzu and the days started to fly by and as those days flew it became more and more apparent that this was easily becoming one of the best summers of my life to date.

Had sex with a river guide who went by the name of Pork Chop in a place called the plywood palace... do I regret it no, would I do it again fuck no, It was awful but he was a fantastic kisser.

Made out with one of the boys from the Gazebo.... he was awkward and a little bit dirty and before I knew it I was avoiding the chow hall and him like the plague.

Made out with bartender once in front everyone and then in his room where he got a little to comfortable with my nipple. He was great he was embarrassed, I was embarrassed. I like to think we're friends now he called me cute and smart more than once so he basically entered into a friendship with me, with or without his consent.

Made AMAZING FRIENDS and that's what I am most grateful for they're all beautiful, funny and vulgar with a tad bit of a drinking problem and I wouldn't have them any other way. I'll write more about those beautiful fucks later.... the skin on my fingers will wear through and my computer will die if I attempt such a task right now.

Oh and I totally flashed the bartender more times than I will admit for your sake not mine.... I love mentioning how many times I've flashed people.

I could take up hours of your time and I'm sure i periodically will be telling you about all the shit that took place while i was in this dirty wonderland surrounded my the most majestic mountains you've ever seen. but tonight we'll scratch the surface of this petri dish. But this is where I will leave it because my legs are falling asleep from sitting or (shitting) on this toilet Ha! what a pun..... I'm addicted to multi-tasking and straighting my hair. WELCOME TO MY LIFE.