Panic, stress and anxiety seem to be the theme of the night..... or my life whichever.

I feel adrift in a sea of emotion. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS LIFE OF MINE.

I knew when my high school career started to come to a close that the beaten path of college, student loans, and massive debt probably wasn't for me but I took a stab at it and I failed miserably. I escaped debt free thanks to a few sad scholarships and my trusty choice of a community college over a big university.

My first real step into the work force was that of seasonal work. It started with working in banquets for a very upper class hotel in my hometown for very low class Polish woman who growled my name, I think my very presence at times caused immediate rage. After that nightmare on elm street ended I made the graceful move to working on the local ski mountain and it was love at first clock in.

It was such a different vibe people were relaxed and generally stoked to see you, and no one growled my name. It felt like the square peg finally found the right hole. It was like a switch had flipped, the path had been layed out for me to well... find me. I think I really came into my own during those four seasons of my life I gave that mountain and I'm forever grateful, I started that job as a 19 year old girl and left it a 22 year old woman who had more of an idea of where she was supposed to be. Facing the probable reality that I won't go back there in the event that I don't ace these training sessions to be a ski instructor (please universe work with me on this) it's like staring Medusa in the face and my eyes threaten Niagara falls at the thought. It's just that I love the people and that place with just about all that I am.

And then I moved to a ragged beautiful range of mountains that surrounded a glacial lake that I call home and I found more beautiful people that I love and hope and pray to the universe that I get to go back to where pieces of my heart still lay.

I know the seasonal life is the path that I'll probably always tread. No it's not one of stability and if you do find it, it's usually only temporary but I'm addicted to the forever changing horizon and vast array of new faces and experiences that come with the territory.

I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes I wish I would have given in to society and felt the comfort in my future because I actively made choices to secure it. But at the end of the day I wouldn't have it any other way so here's to my rocky path and the unknown where my future and life live.